I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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