dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
