Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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