Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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