You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
