She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
