At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
