She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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