My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
