I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
