So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
