So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
