apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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