so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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