I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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