i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
