nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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