Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
