New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize