Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
