You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm getting married
To pizza
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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