TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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