people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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