So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
