So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
