I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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