Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
