Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
