I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
