Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
