Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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