My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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