Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
