What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize