K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
