It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
