you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
A+ Viking dick
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
