I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
should my penis look like a turkey
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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