Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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