when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
