Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
