Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
