Please, let me fuck your mom
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
