Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
