Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
