Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
