Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
