How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
