you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it wasn't lemon gatorade
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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