Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
