we have officially mastered the walk of shame
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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