The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
