Don't make out with my wife yet
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
