That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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