Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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