Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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