ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
