no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
