Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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