I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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