you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize